Get me off this merry go round of denial

I just read my last post. I can't believe that I am in the same spot now AGAIN as I was then. Am I ever going to learn my lesson? Am I destined to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over? Am I going to keep riding around on the same merry go 'round forever?

We got back together and I kept thinking that this time we finally had it right. This time we were going to make it stick. We were both supportive and loving to each other. We were both making better decisions. In short, I was almost lulled into a false sense of security.

Slowly but surely the old patter started to repeat itself. I tried to ignore the signs but they started to show up again and again. The spats began again. He started doing and saying the things that use to anger me before and I stayed calm and ignored it. The more I tried to overlook or just not react to the worse it got. Soon, I could no longer hide in denial.

It wasn't long before I started to prepare myself for the other shoe to drop. I knew for sure it was only a matter of time. I just didn't think it was going to come so soon.

When he said that he was "stuck" with me because he had spent all his money on me and couldn't return to his apartment it really hurt. After hearing that 5 times in 3 months I just couldn't take it any more. The first of the month I told him how I felt about that and if he really wanted to leave then the time was right to make good his escape. I told him my house wasn't a prison and the lock didn't keep anyone in.

The next day we had a huge fight. Before we went to bed I tried to calm things down. I did say a very sincere apology and went to sleep. The next morning he woke me up at 7 a.m. and the fight started all over again. He wouldn't let it go no matter what I said or did. I said he didn't have to fight his way out and he was free to go. He packed his things and moved out. When he was done he brought the car back to me and asked if he could use my car to go shopping. I was hurt and angry and said no.

The thing that bothers me most is we were fighting and I had my back to him when I felt something hit the back of my legs hard. My knees started to buckle and I almost fell to the floor. I looked back to see what had hit my legs and I saw the cat behind me. I asked him if he did that on purpose and he said no but I still think he did.

Of all the things that he has done that I forgave him for this is one thing that will NEVER be forgiven under any circumstances. There is no excuse for abusing the kittens. They didn't do anything wrong. The fight was between him and I. They don't have any say or any choice over what the people in the house do.

How sad.