Letting go of the past is never easy. No matter what the conditions are you find comfort in the familiar. You know what to expect on a daily basis. You learn how to work with what is going on around you and how you interact with the people in your life. You think that they are going to continue to do what they always do.
For some people that "rut" is a peaceful one. Some have the life they always dreamed of and can go through the day to day feeling safe and secure. Others are not so fortunate. Some make bad choices and decisions that lead them to cycles that go from relative happiness to absolute hell on earth.
When you are faced with the truth that you are on a merry-go-round that is never going to stop you have to make some serious decisions. Are you going to stay on that ride or find a safe place to get off? How many times are you going to go around and around knowing that there will be times of misery?
Right now I am in a section of the ride that has in the past been my personal hell. This is the time when I have suffered the most. This time I think I am handling it better then I have in the past. This time I have a more realistic look at the truth of the situation.
I still have my moments when I feel sad or angry. I have my moments when I cry or feel deeply sad but those times don't last long. There are times when I wonder what I am going to do with the rest of my life. There are times when I just want to work on making me a better person knowing I have learned some very important life lessons.
I don't know where my life is heading but I will find out as I go.
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