Letting go

The final word were spoken. The last of the emails have been exchanged. Now it's a waiting for the paper work to come to get on with finalizing the end. There will be no more one more tries. No more "what if." The reality starts to settle in.

Just thinking of this is enough to make you feel your heart break. You don't want to accept the situation for what it is. This is when you want to tell yourself little white lies about what is going on. This is also the time when you need to be the most honest with yourself.There is no getting around the truth and eventually you are going to have to face the reality.

Doing the grief work is not going to be easy. Doing the grief work is necessary to moving through it. If you don't release the grief it will stay with you and spring up at the worst possible times. Sooner or later you are going to have to deal with it so you might as well do it early. By trying to deny the negative feelings and avoiding the pain you will only end up feeling it many times over instead of just the one time.

The tears want to flow but you hold them back. You stop breathing in order to stop the sobs that want to work their way up from the depths within. This is when you do need to feel those negative feelings. This is when you do need to let those tears out. Holding back the negative emotions isn't going to make them go away. The truth is if you push them down inside trying to avoid feeling them they will stay with you.

To quote Robert Burney "Allowing ourselves to own the grief does not cause us to lose control - it causes us to feel like we are losing control for a few moments. By learning to allow ourselves to release that pent up pressurized energy in a healing context, we can be empowered to stop letting the past dictate our lives today. "

I don't know how long it will take until I am able to let go of all that I am feeling right now. I am still trying to find a way to convince myself that this just isn't happening. I am still trying to tell myself that there is a reason to hope the situation is going to change. I am still trying to hide from the pain and sorrow. This isn't helping me at all.