Tomorrow is a new day full of promise. I don't know what it holds but I am starting to have hope that each day will get a little better and a little easier. I am beginning to accept what is. I am beginning to understand that this is the way it has to be.
I was becoming a lot of things that I never expected I would. The only emotions I could feel were anger and fear. Frustration wasn't far behind. I was angry more often then not. I was afraid all the time. I was constantly frustrated. There was no real or lasting joy anywhere in my life.
The frustration of being in a no win situation got the best of me. The pain of holding on became more then the pain of letting go. I was so totally unhappy with life the way it was and was no longer willing to keep living my life that way. I know there is more to life then what I was living but nothing was going to change as long as I was willing to allow it to continue.
Now that I am no longer fighting a battle I can not win it will free my heart. The energy and the life in me were being used in negative ways. Now that I have given up the struggle just maybe I will be able to use that energy in more positive ways. I don't know but at least now I have some kind of hope for the future.
I know that I will be doing a lot of grief work in the weeks and months ahead but I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Once I let go of all the negative I can grab on to the positive ahead of me. Maybe then I will be able to look back at what was good and right. Maybe then I will be able to smile when I remember the past.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Letting go
The final word were spoken. The last of the emails have been exchanged. Now it's a waiting for the paper work to come to get on with finalizing the end. There will be no more one more tries. No more "what if." The reality starts to settle in.
Just thinking of this is enough to make you feel your heart break. You don't want to accept the situation for what it is. This is when you want to tell yourself little white lies about what is going on. This is also the time when you need to be the most honest with yourself.There is no getting around the truth and eventually you are going to have to face the reality.
Doing the grief work is not going to be easy. Doing the grief work is necessary to moving through it. If you don't release the grief it will stay with you and spring up at the worst possible times. Sooner or later you are going to have to deal with it so you might as well do it early. By trying to deny the negative feelings and avoiding the pain you will only end up feeling it many times over instead of just the one time.
The tears want to flow but you hold them back. You stop breathing in order to stop the sobs that want to work their way up from the depths within. This is when you do need to feel those negative feelings. This is when you do need to let those tears out. Holding back the negative emotions isn't going to make them go away. The truth is if you push them down inside trying to avoid feeling them they will stay with you.
To quote Robert Burney "Allowing ourselves to own the grief does not cause us to lose control - it causes us to feel like we are losing control for a few moments. By learning to allow ourselves to release that pent up pressurized energy in a healing context, we can be empowered to stop letting the past dictate our lives today. "
I don't know how long it will take until I am able to let go of all that I am feeling right now. I am still trying to find a way to convince myself that this just isn't happening. I am still trying to tell myself that there is a reason to hope the situation is going to change. I am still trying to hide from the pain and sorrow. This isn't helping me at all.
Just thinking of this is enough to make you feel your heart break. You don't want to accept the situation for what it is. This is when you want to tell yourself little white lies about what is going on. This is also the time when you need to be the most honest with yourself.There is no getting around the truth and eventually you are going to have to face the reality.
Doing the grief work is not going to be easy. Doing the grief work is necessary to moving through it. If you don't release the grief it will stay with you and spring up at the worst possible times. Sooner or later you are going to have to deal with it so you might as well do it early. By trying to deny the negative feelings and avoiding the pain you will only end up feeling it many times over instead of just the one time.
The tears want to flow but you hold them back. You stop breathing in order to stop the sobs that want to work their way up from the depths within. This is when you do need to feel those negative feelings. This is when you do need to let those tears out. Holding back the negative emotions isn't going to make them go away. The truth is if you push them down inside trying to avoid feeling them they will stay with you.
To quote Robert Burney "Allowing ourselves to own the grief does not cause us to lose control - it causes us to feel like we are losing control for a few moments. By learning to allow ourselves to release that pent up pressurized energy in a healing context, we can be empowered to stop letting the past dictate our lives today. "
I don't know how long it will take until I am able to let go of all that I am feeling right now. I am still trying to find a way to convince myself that this just isn't happening. I am still trying to tell myself that there is a reason to hope the situation is going to change. I am still trying to hide from the pain and sorrow. This isn't helping me at all.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
How do you forgive yourself and others?
I have been working on forgiveness. There is a part of me that wants to hang on to the anger. A part of me that wants to remember offenses and hold the offender accountable. This is no way to try and live your life. You waste so much energy keeping score but it is so hard to change.
I want them to know that they have hurt me in some way and to sincerely apologize for what they have done. I would then be able to forgive but I never forget. All my life I heard first time shame on you, second time shame on me. Even if I got that apology I was looking for I would be waiting to pounce should the offender do something to me that I could take offense to.
I have made some bad decisions in my life. I have done things that I know I shouldn't do. I have a list of things that I have done that I need to be punished for. I beat myself up over my past mistakes time and time again. The one I can not and will not forgive is ME!
Why do I hang on to the negative? Why do I hang on to the anger and hurt? In an article titled "Learning to Forgive Yourself" on Web MD says the following. "People want to feel pain and resentment? "Oh," exclaims Hartman, "resentment is a very attractive way of putting a barrier around yourself as protection against being hurt again."
Is that what I am doing? Am I trying to protect myself? Is it working for me? These are questions that I have been asking myself. No one likes to be hurt either intentionally or by deed or act of omission by us or someone else. It is especially painful if it is the person you love that has hurt you. It can be a very heavy burden if the person you hurt is one who loves you.
Is this life of protecting myself working for me? NO! I am not gaining anything by living this way. In fact, it is standing in the way of making any progress in any area of my life. I find myself in a worthless cycle of pushing people away so they can't hurt me again. I tell myself that I am better off alone then with some of these people. I end up alone.
There is a lot of medical evidence to show a link between anger and serious diseases like heart attack, stroke and even cancer. Negative emotions affect your immune system giving rise to a host of other diseases and worsening of existing health conditions. I believe that if you hold anger against someone they are also affected in a negative way by this resentment on your part.
This article in Web MD also goes on to say: ""But not without community of some kind. It is in the context of our relationships (whether with therapists, pastors, counselors, churches, families, and friends) that we experience the grace of being forgiven and forgiving others." Grace, of course, is a peace of mind bestowed regardless of whether we deserve it or not.
I am going to quote Mtt 18:21-22 again. "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." The article from Web MD does state that "Forgiveness is never complete unless people and relationships are transformed in the process." That transformation, of course, could involve never repeating the action.
Starting today I am going to stand on the word of God. Today I am going to believe that he has cast my sins as far from me as east is from west. I am going to stand on faith that the grace of God is renewed every morning. I believe the reason it is renewed in this way because God knows we need it!
I have said before that I have a vision of a healing ministry. I have asked how can I heal someone else if I can't heal myself. The healing I need is inside of me. I finally see that. I need to forgive me for my past and the mistakes I have made. This will free me to be able to help others with true healing that will change their lives and give the glory to God.
I want them to know that they have hurt me in some way and to sincerely apologize for what they have done. I would then be able to forgive but I never forget. All my life I heard first time shame on you, second time shame on me. Even if I got that apology I was looking for I would be waiting to pounce should the offender do something to me that I could take offense to.
I have made some bad decisions in my life. I have done things that I know I shouldn't do. I have a list of things that I have done that I need to be punished for. I beat myself up over my past mistakes time and time again. The one I can not and will not forgive is ME!
Why do I hang on to the negative? Why do I hang on to the anger and hurt? In an article titled "Learning to Forgive Yourself" on Web MD says the following. "People want to feel pain and resentment? "Oh," exclaims Hartman, "resentment is a very attractive way of putting a barrier around yourself as protection against being hurt again."
Is that what I am doing? Am I trying to protect myself? Is it working for me? These are questions that I have been asking myself. No one likes to be hurt either intentionally or by deed or act of omission by us or someone else. It is especially painful if it is the person you love that has hurt you. It can be a very heavy burden if the person you hurt is one who loves you.
Is this life of protecting myself working for me? NO! I am not gaining anything by living this way. In fact, it is standing in the way of making any progress in any area of my life. I find myself in a worthless cycle of pushing people away so they can't hurt me again. I tell myself that I am better off alone then with some of these people. I end up alone.
There is a lot of medical evidence to show a link between anger and serious diseases like heart attack, stroke and even cancer. Negative emotions affect your immune system giving rise to a host of other diseases and worsening of existing health conditions. I believe that if you hold anger against someone they are also affected in a negative way by this resentment on your part.
This article in Web MD also goes on to say: ""But not without community of some kind. It is in the context of our relationships (whether with therapists, pastors, counselors, churches, families, and friends) that we experience the grace of being forgiven and forgiving others." Grace, of course, is a peace of mind bestowed regardless of whether we deserve it or not.
I am going to quote Mtt 18:21-22 again. "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." The article from Web MD does state that "Forgiveness is never complete unless people and relationships are transformed in the process." That transformation, of course, could involve never repeating the action.
Starting today I am going to stand on the word of God. Today I am going to believe that he has cast my sins as far from me as east is from west. I am going to stand on faith that the grace of God is renewed every morning. I believe the reason it is renewed in this way because God knows we need it!
I have said before that I have a vision of a healing ministry. I have asked how can I heal someone else if I can't heal myself. The healing I need is inside of me. I finally see that. I need to forgive me for my past and the mistakes I have made. This will free me to be able to help others with true healing that will change their lives and give the glory to God.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Emotional Vampires - Narcissism
Emotional vampires are everywhere. Chances are good that you had at least one close encounter with one. The first thing I would recommend is finding out what an emotional vampire is. Second is to learn how to identify them quickly when you encounter one. Most important is getting the help you need to break away from them completely if you realize that you are in a relationship with one.
In the beginning they pretend to be your soul mate. They find out what makes you tick and they pretend to be something they are not in order to get deep into the heart of you. It's easy to get drawn in by their act. It's easy to become emotionally attracted to and attached to an emotional vampire. They are so charming and pretend to be warm and loving. Trust me, they are neither warm nor loving to anyone but themselves.
Once they have worked their way deeply into who you are their true nature starts to show. They have set their trap and caught you in it. Slowly but surely they become very demanding. Slowly they start to separate you from all the little things that make you who you are. They will go against themselves to be opposite you and then force you to accept their position on any and every issue. They slowly undermine your self confidence on every level until you become codependent on them. It will eventually come down to a their way or the highway situation on even the least important issue.
A prime example of an emotional vampire going opposite himself or herself are they will almost freeze to death before they let you turn the heat on if they know you are bothered by the cold. It matters not how uncomfortable they are as long as you are miserable.
Once a narcissist thinks he has you drawn in to them they slowly chip away at the things that make you who you are. They know the things that bring you any degree of happiness and try to separate you from them with their complaining, sulking and pouting. An example might be if they know you like to watch sports they will insist that they don't. Every time you try to watch a game they cause a fuss or pout becoming sullen and withdrawn. They complain every time you try to watch a game until watching is no longer worth all you have to go through to do so.
Another little game the narcissist will play is to ask you if you like this or that better. If you say this then they will say they like that better then force you to accept that. An example of that is they ask if you like beef ribs or pork ribs better. No matter which one you pick they are sure to say they like the other better.
If you say you have no real preference and it doesn't matter to you one way or another it frustrates them. They will ask you a few times over a period of time to try to get you to commit one way or the other. This will upset and frustrate them to the point that they will get angry because you won't play their game by their rules. An example might be if you really won't say that you like beef ribs better then you like pork ribs they could become so angry that they will go so far as to say they have become vegetarians at some point. They will be vegetarians when they are around you but when you are no where to be seen they will eat all the hamburgers they can fit in their stomach.
Next the instigating begins. When you live with someone you get to know their quirks. They know that if it bothers you to have dirty dishes on the side of the sink you can bet that is where every cup, glass, dish and piece of silverware will end up. Every time you go to the kitchen there will be a collection of dirty dishes waiting for you to say something about it. They will go out of their way to get in your way and do the things that annoy you.
A favorite trick of the narcissist is to think that what ever they do is OK. If you catch them at it then you are the one who is wrong. If you don't catch them they will rub your nose in what they were getting away with behind your back once they tire of it. Not because they feel guilty but you are not playing the game and finding out for yourself. They can have sex with whomever or whatever they want and expect you to stay monogamous.
The easy way to tell what a narcissist is doing is take note of what they accuse you or someone else of doing. That is the first hint you will get from them. If they accuse you of reading personal ads on line you can bet that they are doing just that. If they accuse you of cheating even though you have never given them a reason to think that way about you then you know what they are doing. If they accuse you of being high or taking drugs, well you get the idea.
If you become involved in a personal relationship with a narcissist it is very hard to end the relationship. They know how to play on your fears and insecurities. They are not above using emotional blackmail to coerce you into doing as they wish. Breaking away is never easy but absolutely necessary to you for your own mental health. If you can't get away on your own be sure to get all the help you can from professionals who are trained in this area of counseling.
In closing I will say THE EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE OR NARCISSIST WILL READ THIS AND SWEAR IT IS ALL ABOUT THEM PERSONALLY! They will take this as an attack on them and maybe even lash out because of it. Let them rant about you all they want. They have their story and you have the truth. The more they whine to their family and friends and insist that they were the one who was abused the more they will show themselves to fit the descriptions in this blog.
I recommend reading this page for 10 steps to freedom from a narcissist.
In the beginning they pretend to be your soul mate. They find out what makes you tick and they pretend to be something they are not in order to get deep into the heart of you. It's easy to get drawn in by their act. It's easy to become emotionally attracted to and attached to an emotional vampire. They are so charming and pretend to be warm and loving. Trust me, they are neither warm nor loving to anyone but themselves.
Once they have worked their way deeply into who you are their true nature starts to show. They have set their trap and caught you in it. Slowly but surely they become very demanding. Slowly they start to separate you from all the little things that make you who you are. They will go against themselves to be opposite you and then force you to accept their position on any and every issue. They slowly undermine your self confidence on every level until you become codependent on them. It will eventually come down to a their way or the highway situation on even the least important issue.
A prime example of an emotional vampire going opposite himself or herself are they will almost freeze to death before they let you turn the heat on if they know you are bothered by the cold. It matters not how uncomfortable they are as long as you are miserable.
Once a narcissist thinks he has you drawn in to them they slowly chip away at the things that make you who you are. They know the things that bring you any degree of happiness and try to separate you from them with their complaining, sulking and pouting. An example might be if they know you like to watch sports they will insist that they don't. Every time you try to watch a game they cause a fuss or pout becoming sullen and withdrawn. They complain every time you try to watch a game until watching is no longer worth all you have to go through to do so.
Another little game the narcissist will play is to ask you if you like this or that better. If you say this then they will say they like that better then force you to accept that. An example of that is they ask if you like beef ribs or pork ribs better. No matter which one you pick they are sure to say they like the other better.
If you say you have no real preference and it doesn't matter to you one way or another it frustrates them. They will ask you a few times over a period of time to try to get you to commit one way or the other. This will upset and frustrate them to the point that they will get angry because you won't play their game by their rules. An example might be if you really won't say that you like beef ribs better then you like pork ribs they could become so angry that they will go so far as to say they have become vegetarians at some point. They will be vegetarians when they are around you but when you are no where to be seen they will eat all the hamburgers they can fit in their stomach.
Next the instigating begins. When you live with someone you get to know their quirks. They know that if it bothers you to have dirty dishes on the side of the sink you can bet that is where every cup, glass, dish and piece of silverware will end up. Every time you go to the kitchen there will be a collection of dirty dishes waiting for you to say something about it. They will go out of their way to get in your way and do the things that annoy you.
A favorite trick of the narcissist is to think that what ever they do is OK. If you catch them at it then you are the one who is wrong. If you don't catch them they will rub your nose in what they were getting away with behind your back once they tire of it. Not because they feel guilty but you are not playing the game and finding out for yourself. They can have sex with whomever or whatever they want and expect you to stay monogamous.
The easy way to tell what a narcissist is doing is take note of what they accuse you or someone else of doing. That is the first hint you will get from them. If they accuse you of reading personal ads on line you can bet that they are doing just that. If they accuse you of cheating even though you have never given them a reason to think that way about you then you know what they are doing. If they accuse you of being high or taking drugs, well you get the idea.
If you become involved in a personal relationship with a narcissist it is very hard to end the relationship. They know how to play on your fears and insecurities. They are not above using emotional blackmail to coerce you into doing as they wish. Breaking away is never easy but absolutely necessary to you for your own mental health. If you can't get away on your own be sure to get all the help you can from professionals who are trained in this area of counseling.
In closing I will say THE EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE OR NARCISSIST WILL READ THIS AND SWEAR IT IS ALL ABOUT THEM PERSONALLY! They will take this as an attack on them and maybe even lash out because of it. Let them rant about you all they want. They have their story and you have the truth. The more they whine to their family and friends and insist that they were the one who was abused the more they will show themselves to fit the descriptions in this blog.
I recommend reading this page for 10 steps to freedom from a narcissist.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is mentioned in the bible many times. I know that this is something we all struggle with from time to time. When we feel that someone has hurt us we get angry. We want to hold on to that anger because we were wounded. We feel justified for being angry and don't want to let it go. What we don't realize is the only person we are hurting by being unforgiving is ourselves. There are many reasons why we should learn how to forgive. I am going to quote from a few places in the bible where Jesus talks about forgiveness. I am going to be teaching from Matthew chapter 6 verse 9, Matthew chapter 18 verse 21 ,Mark chapter 11 verse 25. and Luke chapter 23 verse 34.
Turn your bible to chapter 6 verse 9. I will be reading from the King James Version. The words are in red so we know that it is Jesus speaking. He is teaching his disciples when he said " 9After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.10Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.11Give us this day our daily bread.12And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.13And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen."
Jesus again says to forgive and you will be forgiven. If you don't forgive you won't be forgiven. This is obviously very important and we are to forgive. No one said it would be easy but Jesus did say it enough times that we should know how serious this is.
Finally turn your bible to Luke chapter 23 "34Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."
Even from the cross Jesus asked His father to forgive those who crucified Him. How many of us would be willing to forgive someone so quickly for anything? How many of us understand that if Jesus asked forgiveness even under those circumstances that we need to follow that example and learn how to honestly forgive the people we come in contact with? It's something to think about.
In closing I would like to pray. God, teach me how to really forgive. Teach me how to let go of the bitterness and anger that I feel. Teach me how to love others unconditionally the way you love me. Teach me how to forgive myself for the things in my past that are holding me back and keeping me in chains. These things I pray in Jesus name. Amen.
Turn your bible to chapter 6 verse 9. I will be reading from the King James Version. The words are in red so we know that it is Jesus speaking. He is teaching his disciples when he said " 9After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.10Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.11Give us this day our daily bread.12And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.13And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen."
After Jesus taught this prayer He went on to say in verse "14For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:15But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
If Jesus repeated Himself it was because He knew that what He was saying was important. He wanted to make sure that it was understood. He repeated Himself to be sure what He said was not only understood but remembered as well.
Turn your bible to Matthew chapter 18 verse 21 and read " 21Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."
That is a lot of forgiving. I know that for me it would be a hard thing to do. In the past I would give lip service and say I forgive but keep bitterness and resentment in my heart. The next time I got angry all of the past would come spewing out of my mouth like a runway freight train. This is NOT what Jesus meant when He told us to forgive. I am making progress in this area but know that I have much more work to do.
Turn your bible to Mark chapter 11 " 25And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.26But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses."Jesus again says to forgive and you will be forgiven. If you don't forgive you won't be forgiven. This is obviously very important and we are to forgive. No one said it would be easy but Jesus did say it enough times that we should know how serious this is.
Finally turn your bible to Luke chapter 23 "34Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."
Even from the cross Jesus asked His father to forgive those who crucified Him. How many of us would be willing to forgive someone so quickly for anything? How many of us understand that if Jesus asked forgiveness even under those circumstances that we need to follow that example and learn how to honestly forgive the people we come in contact with? It's something to think about.
In closing I would like to pray. God, teach me how to really forgive. Teach me how to let go of the bitterness and anger that I feel. Teach me how to love others unconditionally the way you love me. Teach me how to forgive myself for the things in my past that are holding me back and keeping me in chains. These things I pray in Jesus name. Amen.
Dream Symbols - real or not
I would like to know if symbols in dreams really can be interpreted or is it just so much hot air. Could these people who claim to be able to tell you what you dreams mean really be right? There are many sites that claim to be able to tell you what each symbol means. I just don't know but I have had an experience with a repeating dream that was pretty darn close when I finally checked a dictionary.
I had a dream over and over again. As with other repeating dreams I have had in the past I knew that it wouldn't stop until I told someone about it or some event that was in the general area of the dream occurred. I am very reluctant to tell anyone about my dreams. This one repeat dream had to be stopped so I told the person who was involved in the dream but only by mistaken identity. Thankfully I don't have this dream any more. I don't think I will be talking to anyone about my dreams and I need a way to get get rid of the nightmares. I will be sharing them here in the hope that it will help.
The dream was about a man who was killed in a hotel down town. The police came and made me go there and they tried to say I had been the one who did this. I was traumatized by the sights and smells of that room. The victim was handcuffed to the head board. I tried to tell them that the victim was not that of the person they thought it was and I had no idea who that person was.
He was wrongly identified by his family when they were shown a picture of a tattoo the victim had. I tried to tell the police that was not his tattoo and it was on the wrong arm. The police had not finger printed the victim and I tried to convince them to do that because the person who they thought it was had their finger prints on file
One of the police officers didn't believe me and beat me to the point I had to be hospitalized and in a halo due to a broken neck among other injuries.
I didn't share all of the dream because I just wanted to get enough out so the dreams would stop. There was more to the dream that I am not going to share here. I just want to give enough of the dream to show where the symbols are and how the definitions tie in to the dream. It looks about right to me but I am not convinced that there is something to this.
I looked up the symbols in the dream and found this:
1)dead body: The end of a phase in some area of your life.
If the dead person is someone you know, it can represent that you consider that person to be reaching the end of some phase before the beginning of the next, or it can mean that you are afraid of that person dying or becoming unavailable to you.
2)blood: Life force, life energy, or the essence of humanity.
3)Being or feeling falsely accused can represent: A real life, feared, or imagined situation where you felt blamed for something you didn't do
A denial of or failure to accept responsibility for something you did
Feeling that the world is a harsh, vengeful, or blaming place
4)handcuffs: restrained Lack of freedom or power. Feeling unable to move, escape a situation, or make progress somehow in your life.
5)A figure with a halo can represent: Your desire for spiritual guidance, comfort, support, etc.
6)Being attacked, beaten, or tortured can represent: A feeling or fear of persecution, hostility, aggression, criticism, etc. from by another person or by "people in general"
A situation where you feel or fear your boundaries being crossed or your integrity compromised by someone else
7)tattoo Consider what comes to mind when you think of the particular tattoo, and of tattoos in general. A tattoo can represent something about its wearer, according to the perspective of the dreamer. Examples include:
The way the dreamer thinks the tattoo wearer tries to portray themselves to the world
The particular impression the dreamer thinks the wearer wants people to have of them
Self-expression
Belonging to a certain group or crowd
I had a dream over and over again. As with other repeating dreams I have had in the past I knew that it wouldn't stop until I told someone about it or some event that was in the general area of the dream occurred. I am very reluctant to tell anyone about my dreams. This one repeat dream had to be stopped so I told the person who was involved in the dream but only by mistaken identity. Thankfully I don't have this dream any more. I don't think I will be talking to anyone about my dreams and I need a way to get get rid of the nightmares. I will be sharing them here in the hope that it will help.
The dream was about a man who was killed in a hotel down town. The police came and made me go there and they tried to say I had been the one who did this. I was traumatized by the sights and smells of that room. The victim was handcuffed to the head board. I tried to tell them that the victim was not that of the person they thought it was and I had no idea who that person was.
He was wrongly identified by his family when they were shown a picture of a tattoo the victim had. I tried to tell the police that was not his tattoo and it was on the wrong arm. The police had not finger printed the victim and I tried to convince them to do that because the person who they thought it was had their finger prints on file
One of the police officers didn't believe me and beat me to the point I had to be hospitalized and in a halo due to a broken neck among other injuries.
I didn't share all of the dream because I just wanted to get enough out so the dreams would stop. There was more to the dream that I am not going to share here. I just want to give enough of the dream to show where the symbols are and how the definitions tie in to the dream. It looks about right to me but I am not convinced that there is something to this.
I looked up the symbols in the dream and found this:
1)dead body: The end of a phase in some area of your life.
If the dead person is someone you know, it can represent that you consider that person to be reaching the end of some phase before the beginning of the next, or it can mean that you are afraid of that person dying or becoming unavailable to you.
2)blood: Life force, life energy, or the essence of humanity.
3)Being or feeling falsely accused can represent: A real life, feared, or imagined situation where you felt blamed for something you didn't do
A denial of or failure to accept responsibility for something you did
Feeling that the world is a harsh, vengeful, or blaming place
4)handcuffs: restrained Lack of freedom or power. Feeling unable to move, escape a situation, or make progress somehow in your life.
5)A figure with a halo can represent: Your desire for spiritual guidance, comfort, support, etc.
6)Being attacked, beaten, or tortured can represent: A feeling or fear of persecution, hostility, aggression, criticism, etc. from by another person or by "people in general"
A situation where you feel or fear your boundaries being crossed or your integrity compromised by someone else
7)tattoo Consider what comes to mind when you think of the particular tattoo, and of tattoos in general. A tattoo can represent something about its wearer, according to the perspective of the dreamer. Examples include:
The way the dreamer thinks the tattoo wearer tries to portray themselves to the world
The particular impression the dreamer thinks the wearer wants people to have of them
Self-expression
Belonging to a certain group or crowd
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