Life with Fibromyalgia

The first symptoms I noticed were soon after I got in the truck with my husband. That was back in 2001 or 2002 when I started having problems with fatigue. I had pain in my shoulder and hands for many years before that. Even though the pain was getting worse I didn't worry about it very much.

At first I thought the fatigue was caused by the long hours and odd sleep schedule. The fatigue would get so deep that just reaching for something on the dash board was almost more then what I could do. When I passed on taking a shower my husband knew that this was a serious situation because he knew how much I looked forward to shower time.

We stopped driving because of my husband's health problems. I ended up working at a Waffle House then at a McD's for almost a year before we moved to the state we live in now. The funny thing is I could walk down the stairs, walk to work, stay on my feet all day, walk home but when I got to the bottom of the stairs I would pause. Walking up one flight of stairs was like climbing a huge mountain.

When we moved here I got a job at the local casino in the housekeeping department. I worked hard but really did enjoy the job. I noticed that at the end of the week I would be so sore and tired that it would take all my time off to recover. It wasn't long before I couldn't make it to the end of the week. I started calling in sick until I couldn't go in any more.

I finally had to admit that I just couldn't work any more. It was with a heavy heart that I finally had to accept the truth of my situation and file for disability. After a five year fight I was given a fully favorable decision at my hearing last November.

My daughter and her daughter are visiting from across the country and my son and his fiancee will be here for a visit soon. The sun is shining. I am very happy indeed yet I feel totally awful today. In fact, I haven't felt good for a couple of days.

I got to watch a hockey game and my team won. I watched a couple of movies that I like. My two daughters and one granddaughter came over the other day and we laughed until we almost cried. These are all good things for sure!

I ache all over and have absolutely no energy. I have pretty much sat in my chair for a couple of days. I only do the things I have to get done. Even that is a huge chore. I am tired but not the sleepy tired. I have no energy and I have no strength. I want to go outside but don't have life enough to get dressed. I am almost out of cat food but can't seem to get to the store.

I know that I have depression but you would think that would be balanced out with the positive that I am feeling. I have been edgy and irritable as well. I have a hard time falling asleep but when I do I sleep without dreams mostly. I have a hard time waking up.

My husband and I are having problems and this is not good. We were standing on the edge of filing for divorce but we started emailing last night. We started to talk about counseling before we do anything. This is a good sign and a step in the right direction. I even have a more positive outlook in that area now.

My thoughts are happy ones. While I am sitting here I am playing online and not thinking about the negative at all. It's not like I sit here thinking of things, events or people that make me angry because I know this will only suck the life out of me. I think about what I am doing that is fun. I think about the people I love.

I pray as I sit here also. I pray for guidance. I pray for my family and friends.