Is that you God?

I sometimes struggle with life and making some decisions. When I don't know what to do I pray for guidance and direction. I pray for God to reveal his path for me. I hear the voice in my head and I hear the voices in my heart all saying different things. I am never sure which one to follow.

At this point I don't know if the voice in my heart is the voice God or if' it's just my own desires. I want to do what God wants me to do. I know that he hears and answers prayers. He answers them in ways we never expect. I want to be open and receptive to what ever means of communication God chooses to use.

I have heard preachers say that there are provisos and a lot of quid pro quo. Even though I don't believe this I find it hard to get it out of my mind. I keep checking myself and wondering if I have too much in my past that keeps blocking my prayers. I wonder if I have done the things that God requires in order to get His attention.

I struggle with issues of feeling unworthy. I ask myself who am I that God would give me a moment of His time. The bible says in Jeremiah 1:5 "I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb." I have a hard time believing that those words apply to me.

I do read the bible. I can't quote scripture exactly. I don't memorize chapter and verse. I do try to remember the meaning and feelings described in the stories I read. There is a lesson to be learned with an example. I do have a hard time finding specific things in the bible. It's not easy to find something in the bible that talks directly to the question I have at the time.

I want to do the right things for the right reasons. I don't want to go around doing whatever I want and justifying it all by thinking that I am following God. For me that would be the same as someone saying that the devil tempted me. The same justification for doing what it is they wanted to do in the first place. The only difference is the focus of the "blame". Both being some force outside that we have no control over.

I want to follow the voice of God. I want to be what it is He wants me to be. I want to do the things He wants me to do. His plans for me are so much better then anything I could dream or imagine.