Visions of a Healing Ministry

When I lived in Indiana I started watching TBN. I would watch the shows about healing through faith. I would cheer when people would give their testimony of the miracle healing they received.

I prayed to God that He would use me in this way. That I could share my faith with other people to help them receive the promises of God in their lives. I wanted to be able to help those who had need to release their faith and get their breakthrough.

About nine years ago I started having dreams and visions of a healing ministry. I told my husband of this dream and casually mentioned it to the pastors of a couple of churches we were considering becoming members of. These pastors were not receptive so I stopped talking about it. The dreams and visions would not go away.

In my dreams and visions, I could clearly see people receive their healing. I could hear the shouts of surprise and joy when they realized they had been healed. I could hear people praise God and worship Him with all their hearts.

I don't know when the attacks on my belief and faith in the miracle healing of God started. At first the attack was in the form of guilt about my past. I was reminded of every mistake I have ever made. I was "told" that I am not worthy that God would even hear me let alone use me in any way. I was able to shrug this off. We have all read the stories in the bible of the people who were changed and able to do God's work. We read that God only wants us to be willing and He will do the rest. We read that redemption and forgiveness of sins are our gifts from God. These gifts were made possible by the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross.

The next thing to come under attack was my husband's health. He has two issues of blood that he talks about in his blogs. On two occasions he was so sick he almost died. He was then and still is being followed by the doctor with regular blood tests for his CD4 count and his viral load. We were blessed in the fact that he was non-progressive and at times his viral load and CD4 counts were even improving.

The attack came to say how foolish I was to consider having a healing ministry when I couldn't even help my husband. The attack also went on to say if God would or even could heal then why didn't he heal my husband? The attack was becoming very personal and harder to ignore but I hung on to my faith in the healing power of God. I have read the book of Job a few times to get the message into my heart. I told my husband many times that my faith is unshakable and that I believed that God could and would heal him.

Our marriage became the next target of the adversary. We have had more then our share of strife. We have both said the words "I give up" on more then one occasion. We have separated more times then I can count and even filed for divorce.

God speaks to our hearts and brings us back to remembering and seeing the good in each other. The love we have for each other always brings us back together. I know that I know that this is the healing power of God working in our lives. Instead of breaking my faith this has served to strengthen my belief in the healing power of God. I know that this is the only thing that could possibly change our circumstances and bring us back together.

Over the past several years I have watched my own health deteriorate slowly. This is the latest attack of the enemy. There are so many things I could do with little or no effort a few years ago that I just struggle with today. There are some things I just can't do at all. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia after going to doctors in two states and re-telling them my symptoms.

The best I can hope for most days is to just be uncomfortable. I am in physical pain most of the time. I don't sleep well and because of that I am tired all the time. I get cranky and easily upset over the dumbest things. I was on medication but because of the changes to my medical coverage I could no longer get the prescriptions filled.

I find myself under attack every day. This little voice whispers in my ear saying where is God now? IF God is willing and able why then hasn't he healed me? Why do you believe in something that hasn't happened? Why don't I just give up? I don't deserve to be healed, and so on.

I remind myself of the story of Job again. Job never gave up hope. He never gave up his faith. He put his life in God's hands. Job would not curse God and neither will I. I do not blame God for the things that have happened in my life. I do know that what the adversary meant for evil God can use to produce the biggest blessings in my life.

I think about Paul. What was the key to Paul’s amazing spiritual success? How did he live such a victorious life? He answered those questions in his letter to the Philippians when he wrote these powerful words: “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13-14).