Living with someone who is HIV and HCV co infected has special challenges. First is taking the time to learn the truth about both diseases. Second is taking the necessary steps to insure that you don't become infected yourself. After that the only challenges are the ones common to all relationships.
I met Rick online and before we met in person and he told me that he was HIV and HCV co infected. That had to be very hard for him to do. He knew that there was a possibility that I would say thanks but no thanks. I didn't. When we met in person he put his arm around me and I knew that was where I wanted to stay forever.
I have to admit that I didn't know anything about either disease or how easily they were transmitted from one person to the next. I wasn't going to reject the person out of ignorance so I started to learn about both HIV and HCV.
The first thing I found out is the people who know your partner is HIV positive treat you as if you were positive also. It seems as if their thinking is if you are with someone who is positive then you MUST be infected as well. This isn't always true. Rick and I have been married for almost eight years. In the course of those years I have been tested several times for both HIV and HCV. The tests always come back as negative. My most recent test was this past January.
What precautions do we take to keep me safe? About the only major thing is we practice safer sex. I do not touch his tooth brush or shaving equipment at all. These are things that can have trace amounts of blood on them no matter how careful you are to clean them after use. Rick is also vigilent and makes sure he puts his personal care items away after use.
The other thing is to be sure there are no "booby traps" around the house. This makes for common sense even if you are not infected. By booby traps I mean making sure there is nothing around the house that you could scrape or cut yourself on. Knives are always stored properly. Anything that breaks is cleaned up right away. If either one of us does get hurt we make sure that the site is cleaned up right away.
Rick is careful to keep any cuts that he does get covered until they heal. He lets me know right away if he gets hurt and where he got hurt. He is careful in the kitchen and bathroom. He does the necessary to keep me safe from exposure.
But how does it feel to be in love with someone who is HIV positive? How do you handle the emotions of knowing your partner has a life threatening disease? How do you handle the fear of knowing that when they get sick their weakened immune system could be further compromised to the point of collapse? With all my research I have not found a site that can help me answer these basic but important questions.
When you enter into a relationship you believe it is going to be long term. You can't build a future for the relationship thinking that the other person won't be there to share in it. So I adopted an attitude that we are going to beat this disease some how. If not beat it at least keep it at bay. I want to and have to believe that he is going to always be there with me.
Some may say that I am living in denial of the facts. Let them think what they want. I am not going to live every day in fear of losing the love of my life. I have an attitude of gratitude for every day. (even the bad ones) No one is guaranteed tomorrow but we plan for it anyway and expect to be there when it happens.
How do you handle the emotions of knowing your partner has a life threatening disease? How do you handle the fear of knowing that when they get sick their immune system could collapse? These are good questions that I live with.
I try to focus on the positive side of health. I do keep a watchful eye out for signs of any wound infection. I watch for any signs of jaundice. I watch for signs of any kind of fever. Other then that, I don't conciously think about the "what if's." I try to be watchful but not obsessive about it. I don't want to overlook something small that could turn into a big problem that could have been avoided had it been treated earlier.
The other thing I have is faith. I believe that what ever happens is in the hands of God. That He is there for me through anything that happens here on earth. He hears our prayers and answsers them. We may not understand all his ways but His way is the right way.
I believe that God brought Rick and I together for a reason. I also believe that he didn't bring us together just to tear us apart. That through the grace of God Rick will stay non-progressive. This simple faith helps me handle any fear that I might have.
I am a two time cancer survivor so I guess I have a diferent way of looking at life in general. I have never once asked "why me" about cancer. I know why but that's another blog. I don't worry about "what if" I become infected. I know I will handle it the same way I did when I found out I had cancer for the second time. I will do the necessary to have the most positive outcome. Eleven years and counting I am still cancer free. Eight years and counting and I am still HIV and HCV free. Thank God!
There are a lot of sites dedicated to living with HIV/AIDS but I didn't find any for the uninfected partner. If there is a good response to this blog then I will start one. I look forward to getting comments on this blog. Please comment me.
7 comments:
- makeshiftspaces said...
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I cannot even begin to imagine what kinds of challenges there are to living like this. It is definitely encouraging to see that your love for your husband makes all of those precautions worth it.
- March 8, 2009 6:38 PM
- whispering wind said...
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My husband is the love of my life.
We have to make adjustments and make sure that I am not exposed to anything. At times that can take a little shine of the moment but over all the joy of being with that one special person makes all the difference.
I am going to post another blog that goes deeper into the feelings and adjustments in the future. - March 8, 2009 7:54 PM
- Strongerbecauseiamlovedbyapos said...
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Wow. I met my love online as well. 3 months after we met. He told me his doctor was testing him for hiv and hep c. He was HIV+. Days later, he was diagnosed with hiv. His ex girlfriend cheated and gave it to not only him, but 3 other people she has slept with. It did not matter to me, I couldn't leave. I loved this man. I stayed, 3 years later, I am his fiance. He now has been diagnosed with Aids(last summer) and this past winter he beat KS. His KS is back, stomach and in the soft tissue of his mouth. His time left with me is short. Standing back from this situation, I would not change a day of it. We are going to be married at some point this summer. Thank You for sharing your story. It is not an easy thing to do as we HIV/Aids- partners get stuck with this label. Well, I am not a label, I am loved, as are you. Good luck in His and Your journey.
- June 25, 2009 10:47 AM
- nena79 said...
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I met the love of my life five years ago and but the relation ship did not work out and we seperated only to encounter each other again 3 years later and began a two year relationship. We found out he was HIV+ 5 months after we began dating and I have been tested several time since and have been negative. I refused to leave because this man was the man that I truly believed was the love I had been waiting for. I have watched him go into a downward spiral emotionally and he began to become very abusive towards me even though I only wanted to love him. I guess I became the target of his fear and distress over the disease. Regardless, I assured him that I would not leave him because I loved him before this I knew about this disease and I would love him after. Sadly, he pushed me away and we have been seperated for 5 weeks now. He refuses to speak to me and I am devestated.I believed that loving him could do no harm and he would in turn see that I was devoted to seeing him through the difficult road ahead but now I am just heartbroken. Although difficult because of the stigma that HIV/AIDS has I felt that I was determined to provide the best possible "normal" life we could have together but he didn't see it that way. I am still in shock and the hurt as yet to diminish one bit since I can't even get close enough to him to help him with the emotional pain he is going through.
- September 9, 2009 7:59 PM
- Whispering Wind said...
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Sorry it took so long for me to get back to this thread. Long story.
Strongbecauseiamlovedbyapos: That seems to be a common thread with us. I am going to write on that in just a few minutes. Know that we share the same heart ache.
nena79 I tried to provide that normal life. I tried to build a future for us with the idea that he would always be there with me. I am also devastated by the break up. - October 6, 2009 11:12 AM
- chrisopher32 said...
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I know how you feel. I have recently met a wonderful person, His name is James. He is HIV Positive and I am not. He told me he was on the second date. He just found out in July, So alot of this is new to him as well as me. I am falling so hard for him. I do have worries about HIV. I told him I would be there for him, I hope I can be strong for him. I dont know what I would do if I loose him.
- November 3, 2009 10:57 PM
- Whispering Wind said...
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First things first. I highly recommend getting the facts about HIV/AIDS from reliable sources. Don't "think" you know. Educate yourself so that you really DO know.
I made a decision to love and have never once regretted it.
Posts
I am happy to come across this blog. I have been doing some research as I too am in a sero-discordant relationship. My partner has been HIV+ for 2 years now and we've been together for just over 1 year. It was very rough for me at first as he didn't come out and tell me. I actually found him taking meds and inquired what they were for and he said they were HBP meds. One day I found his meds and read the name, then went online and looked it up and to my disbelief they were HIV meds. I cannot tell you the headache and heartache it caused me! Needless to say, after confronting him, he spilled the beans and he also found out afterwards that he also has herpes.....sighhh.....I thought that this must be the most complicated relationship ever but I remained in it as I already loved him.
ReplyDeleteHere we are now, about to be married in some months and I have educated myself quite a bit. We have both visited the doctor several times where I have been tested 3 times during our year plus together.
I have been seeking support as well but there just aren't support groups for cases like ours. I have so many questions but questions that only people who are in the exact situation can answer.
Thank you for posting this blog as it gives me more encouragement to carry on. So much stigma is attached to these relationships that it begins to take a toll on the psyche at times.